I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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