you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
