my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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