Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
