I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I pour the whiskey from now on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
