Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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