i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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