i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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