Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
