I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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