my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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