fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
