Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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