Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
