just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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