Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
