All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
