Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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