anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
