Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
