You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize