Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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