we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
