I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
