I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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