Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
