alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
