I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
