Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
