The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
