I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize