i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she told me i tasted like america
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
