Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When are your genitals available?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
