Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize