Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize