People with herpes should wear stickers.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize