20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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