What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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