Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize