i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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