Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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