I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We left the knife in your bed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
