3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
