Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
