the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
