ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
