I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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