I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize