i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
