if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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