I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize