She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
