then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
