rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Randomize
