Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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