I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
