woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
