see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
