Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
