i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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