"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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