dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
