I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
