I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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