He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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