I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
