shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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