It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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