I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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