I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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