Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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