i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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